we were little girls with messy hair who wanted to shoot lasers at the people who hurt us. we made our barbies fly, made them spies, made them as strong as we wanted to be. they could stand up to the bullies. when we were older, we would ask, “where are the female superheroes?”
“it’s just a movie,” we were assured, “and what’s wrong with being the girl next door?”
we were angry adolescents with no safe direction to lash out in. we were not allowed to be violent. those of us who turned to our playstation were embarrassed for it. many of us were bullied. many of us turned to fantasy. when we were older, we would ask, “why is there only one playable girl character in this whole game?”
“video games are art,” we were sneered at, “i’m sick of these fake gamer girls ruining our media.”
we were high school girls who were worried we weren’t being kissed fast enough, even at 15. we felt shame boil up around our ears when men leaned out of cars to sling slurs at us. we wanted to feel good about ourselves but were sent home for showing our shoulders. what were we telling people by being so in love with our bodies that we showed them off in any small way. when we were older, we would ask, “why does this advertisement for socks have a barely-18-year-old girl lying mostly-naked on a bed?” we saw our own 18-year-old self, who could barely kiss right and still trembled about sex.
“relax,” we were told, “if you don’t like it, don’t look. if you’re mad they’re selling you your clothes like this, just don’t buy from them.”
we turned into tired adults. we have our fires burnt out. we have explained and explained until our tongues turned numb why we deserve to be able to live without fear. we got sick of being teachers. any dent we made was quickly refilled. we were sick of trying to talk to people who would never change their minds about us. we were sick of it. and we still asked: “where am i? where are the people who look like me?”
i once was in a coffee shop sighing to a friend, “why don’t people get that not every girl has the same body or same metabolic system” and i was interrupted by a large man who has no idea how i eat or how much i weigh or how healthy i might be, and he loudly and briskly informed me, “Victoria’s Secret models have a more common body type than you think. If you’re so pissed about not being like the girls on tv, how about you change what you look like?” i had gone 6 days without eating.
so we made it up. we gave barbie a cape and our spotted dog the ability to control the weather. we wrote barely-legible fanfiction about vampires who were also terribly in love with us - because we were perfect in this world, unlike the mess of what really was - we crafted entire sub-stories about how the main characters in our favorite universes were secretly girls in disguise. we made 17-year-old characters who would cut the throats of anyone who hurt them. we drew pictures of women in full, angry armor. we wrote bad poems about the girls we loved and the ones we were jealous of. we hurt ourselves often, were excellent at denying ourselves in the name of something. we only ate salad, we wouldn’t touch grease, we didn’t buy certain things, didn’t get dirty. we used things to fill the gaps. bath bombs. fussy boots. venti iced mocha half-caf.
we made it up. we flooded the market. we put up pictures of ourselves smiling, with messy hair and silly faces, with back fat, with smudged makeup. we made videos perfecting our lips. we made art of possible fashion - all with pockets.
a few girls take selfies at a sports event. they are slandered across the news for it.
can you imagine? can you imagine the selfishness? the audacity? the self-possession one must feel to take a picture of themselves where they control everything?
we don’t belong. images of us have to be photoshopped. made in buildings with perfect lighting. a young girl in underwear. we don’t belong. we don’t exist. keep quiet. if you don’t like it, don’t look at it.
As requested by a couple of people, here is the copy of the actual Pottermore quiz that will break down how much of each house you identify with at the end of the quiz. And before you say “omg, that equals to more than a hundred percent!” this quiz works a little differently than most. Instead of questions that are like “"this" answer is the Slytherin one and “this” answer is the clearly Hufflepuff one” I believe that the questions work more like “this option gets you 5 points for Slytherin, this one gets you 4, this one gets you 3 to add up at the end” etc for all the houses, so they’re like “how much is this a _blank house_ thing to do” which is probably a more accurate representation than the former option.
Example: My results were 82% Slytherin and 79% Ravenclaw, so I’d probably be one of the ones that the sorting hat took my preference into account, since I’m almost equally both. ;)
If someone tells you I do not like being touched, do you:
a) try to guilt them into it with exaggerated expressions of hurt feelings “Why are you treating me like that? I thought we were friends!”
b) attempt to make yourself the exception to the rule while going in for a squeeze “But it’s just me and you love me so it’s okay!”
c) point blank ask “Who hurt you that you’re like this?”
or
d) respect their fucking boundaries and keep your hands to yourself
In related news, I bit another coworker today.
/// ETA: Yes, another, because the “clever” ones decide they’ll steal hugs or drape themselves across me when I’m carrying heavy things. They forget that I am 5′3″ and the perfect height to chomp the shit out of their shoulders. I learned years ago to follow up “I don’t like being touched” with “and I am a biter” for this very reason.
I swear PayPal sends me an email almost every day like “Hey!! You have a balance! Want to spend it now?” Nah, P, I think I’ll let that 38 cents collect a bit more dust, but thanks for looking out.
I’m sorry to anyone in the LGBTQ+ community in Mississippi
I had to look up what this was about, but omg. I’m terribly sorry everyone. Please stay safe!
Just when you think there is progress, someone has to take 500 steps backwards.
What happened??
Mississippi passed an anti-lgbt law, so now anyone can refuse service to lgbtq+ individuals out of ‘religious freedom’
“Under HB 1523, religion could be used by individuals or organizations to justify discrimination against LGBT people, single mothers, unwed couples, and others. Tax-payer funded faith-based organizations could: refuse to recognize the marriages of same-sex couples for provision of critical services including emergency shelter; deny children in need of loving homes placement with LGBT families including the child’s own family member; and refuse to sell or rent a for-profit home to an LGBT person – even if the organization receives government funding. As introduced, HB 1523 would also give foster families the freedom to subject an LGBTQ child to the dangerous practice of “conversion therapy” or shame a pregnant unwed girl without fear of government intervention or license suspension. It would even allow individuals to refuse to carry out the terms of a state contract for the provision of counseling services to all eligible individuals, including veterans, based on the counselor’s beliefs about LGBT people or single mothers.“
Dan is a piggybank ((foxybank?)) I found at WalMart last year. Naming
her was easy; I figured Dan of all people would know how to squirrel
away the most monies if it meant getting out of a dead-end situation.
And now here we are, two months out from freedom & a fresh start in our dream city!
Thank you so much for helping make this possible! Thank you for all your support, for talking about these
kids with each other and with your friends, for the playlists and
headcanons and gifsets and everything. Thank you for caring about a
little band of misfits and for saving me in the process.
[[[The shirt Dan is sitting on, by the way, was a surprise gift from @selurdour, who is going to make more as part of her April read-a-long. :D ya’ll this thing is bright af. You just can’t tell because my room has a really weak light.]]]
