Q

Anonymous asked:

Does Andrew ever take comfort in Neil? Or cry in front of him?

A

Andrew isn’t built for tears. It’s a toxic way to be but Andrew’s not exactly healthy on a psychological level. “Grief” is an idea, a word he knows and can use disparagingly regarding other people if he is pressed to come up with a description, but something he dismisses as readily as he does “regret” and “shame”. So no, Neil will never see Andrew cry even when the funerals start.

But yes, in his own way, Andrew takes comfort in Neil’s presence. I don’t think he’d appreciate the word choice, because needing comfort means something is wrong, means there is a crack, there is a flaw, there is a weakness than can be exploited at any moment, and Andrew cannot be weak.

But Andrew understands that Neil is a good thing, that Neil is an important thing, that Neil is a buffer, that Neil can dissipate the angry poison before Andrew has to swallow it whole again and again. Neil knows when to talk and when to shut up, when to go away and when to settle down beside him, when a drink is needed more than a fuck and when a cigarette is the only weight Andrew needs in his hand. Calming is a safer word than comforting, and Neil knows the truth even if Andrew refuses to see it.

Nov. 12 2015
#the foxhole court #foxhole court questions and spoilers
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